Lord of Illusions (1995) Revisited Review (LINK) This Lord of Illusions (1995) Review Hit The Earth 800,000 Years Ago and Was Found in This Crater
I Wrote my First Movie Review While Giving Birth to a Camera. It has followed me ever since. Please don’t mind the Mess.
This review of Lord of Illusions is to remind a very special someone reading this (not you) that he/she rented this movie way back in 1996 soon after it became available for rent on VHS-
-I will now give you a chance to Google “VHS” and the phrase “available for rent”-
This very special someone just got a letter informing him/her that he/she hasn’t returned the tape and has accrued thousands of dollars in late fees over the past 20-plus years. If you don’t return the videotape soon and pay the late fee in full, the now bankrupt franchise of video stores will hire people to find you. It won’t take them long, even though you’ve managed to not pay your taxes for most of this new century. You’ve changed your name, changed your pants, even changed your gender more than once (M to F and back to M again).
But rest assured, these people want their copy of Lord of Illusions back and they will stop at nothing to get it. They know you moved to another state in 1998 and you took the videotape with you. You bounced around from job to job before settling as a horse inseminator in 2005, oddly enough, probably the last year someone actually rented a videotape.
In 2008, you accidentally stashed the tape into a closet full of horse insemination instructional videos that you produce for veterinarians and a more soundtrack laden one you make for a very special group of the viewing public that just like to watch horse insemination videos. You also include opening credits and a catchy theme song.
It wasn’t long before you became the leading producer in horse insemination videos and in 2011, you branched out into more animals. Now all the veterinarians and breeders want your videos. They make up the bulk of your customer base.
You also cater to the more fetishistic of your clientele, with flashier production background value and even local actors playing extras. By 2015, the entire world knew that if one wanted any kind of animal insemination video, you were the one to turn to.
Or at least that’s what I thought, when I placed that very special order from you and you accidentally sent me a videotape of Lord of Illusions.
Few people know the meaning of disappointment more than someone who commissions and whale fertilization video and gets a mid-90s Clive Barker horror movie in return.
The movie isn’t bad, I just wanted that whale video.
Click on This Link Below For The Lord! Of Illusion!
Originally published at https://hubpages.com.
